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moscow bound soon
I leave for Moscow this Saturday. As the time approaches, I get more and more nervous. I've never lived alone, without a car, in an unfamiliar city. Increasingly so, I get these spells of intense sadness. I worry about my first night there. My roommate is out of town until Sunday. My husband is basically driving me down there, helping me get settled, taking me out to dinner, and then heading home. I will be in this apartment that I've only spent minutes in...all alone. It will be dark, so it's not like I can just go out and explore the city. I've spent nights without my husband before, sure. However, this seems so...permanent. It's just weird. I guess it's beginning to hit me. This plan has been in the works for years, but I don't think it ever hit me that it was going to happen. Today I was packing my underwear of all things and I realized that somewhere else will be my "home" for five months. I'll be home as many weekends as I can, but still.... I worry the most about Colton. I will miss all my children, but Colton is still just a baby to me. I am terrified he will stop thinking of me as his mommy. Toddlers change so fast and I hate thinking I will be missing anything. I feel so guilty. People look at me strange when I tell them I have to complete my schooling in Moscow, three hours away. The question is always, "What about your children?!?" People think it's bizarre that a mother would leave her children for a few months and I guess I can't blame them...but don't men do this all the time? Single women are everywhere raising their children. Married women have husbands that leave their families to enter into the military. Why is it so unbelievable that my husband will be holding down the fort? Should I just throw my hands up in the air and give up on my education because I have to spend time away? I'll be spending this Spring and next Spring away - ten months. Almost a year. But in the grand scheme of things, when I am done with my degree, I am hoping our entire family will be better off. If I can just land a job making what my husband does, we can get out of debt (within a couple years excluding student loans) and be "comfortable" if not "well off". I have so many thoughts floating around in my head right now. I think it will be a sleeping pill type night.

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big *hugs* good luck hon!!

I think you are brave and ambitious! Your child will not forget about you in 5 months. I think it is incredibly awesome that you are making a dream a reality. So many people talk and scheme but rarely follow through. YAY for you ! and good luck

What you are doing is great and you know it. Your family will be fine. You couldn't be more right about the gender bs. You're doing the right thing and every thing will be fine :)

The society still uses double standards, I guess? :)
It probably shouldn't matter as long as you and your husband have understanding and look in the same direction when it comes to your and his goals...

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